By leaving this comment I’m hoping that I’m signalling to the universe that I too would like an energy healer. I’m long overdue. Please, universe, hear my prayers?
“I’ve never been with someone who is not, on some level, terrified by my intensity.”
This is so fascinating!!!! And yet I’m a little put off by his response of “I live in these spaces.” Like did you not want to be affirmed or him to reciprocate with equal vulnerability? Maybe I’m too sensitive! But I would have wanted someone to say at the very least that yes, they were enjoying that same level of satisfaction.
Either way I think you have met what they call in kink communities a real “pleasure dom.” Do you think? Is his energy subtle but also commanding? Feels like so many men use this title but they aren’t doing what you’ve described this man as doing which is practicing attainment in such a sophisticated way. Which, I’d argue as a mom, is essential to being a good parent as well.
So many questions!!! But also thank you for writing this — it’s giving me life. And also it’s so political. THIS is what the right wingers don’t want women to feel. THIS freedom is what the anti-abortion movement it’s really about - it’s about limiting women’s access to the pleasure of experiencing the power of their own bodies which is arguably the most important power there is.
Ah, yes, good points. I left out some context -- he HAS reciprocated, albeit not sharing the same level of detail. He's indicated that he also has strong feelings, and he's opened up about things in his life and shown a lot of vulnerability. I do get the sense that he is a bit slower to open up verbally than I am, though, in general.
Re: pleasure dom..... hmm! He's not particularly commanding and often defers to me, so I don't get the sense that he's a dom, but I'll be honest and say that I am not sure I'd know how to recognize one if I encountered one! (I think the guy who spit in my mouth was definitely a dom though! Just not a pleasure one, ha.)
So true that this is political -- I couldn't agree more!
"There is such a deep feeling of relief in finally meeting someone like this: Who’s curious about me, really and truly sees me, and is not afraid of me. My whole life, I’ve dialed my intensity down, made myself smaller, to make other men comfortable."
I hope I can offer this piece of advice without coming off as condescending (if that’s even the right word..)- especially since you’ve already sort of done what I’m about to suggest. But if you find yourself reallly liking him, or falling in love with him, I’d continue to be honest and have a serious talk about intentions, because if you’re both not on the same page with where you see or hope the relationship is heading, you’re going to have to make the decision to cut ties. But until you get to that road, if you even do, I wish you many more life altering, best of the best romps with this apparent… sex shaman 🤣
Yes, 100%. I have been thinking about this. We did have a conversation about it towards the beginning, and we both said the same thing, which is that we weren't really sure what we were looking for (in general - not necessarily with each other). But of course, things are changing fast. One issue is that I'm still not really sure what *I* want! I really like him, obviously, but I find it hard to disentangle what I've been socialized to do when I really like someone (commitment + monogamy) from what I actually want (again, I am not totally sure). I'll talk about all of this in a future post.... But yes, either way, open communication will be key.
Yeah I never would have been brave enough to write this but I have gotten totally heartbroken in a similar situation — but there was a lot more (in my mind at least) that was on the line. I indicated it in my other comment but as a parent I feel like the only adult man I want around my daughter as a father figure is a man with whom I have this kind of sex with! It is certainly counterintuitive!!! But I feel like this is what they talk about when they talk about being deeply honored by someone and that’s the kind of feeling I want my daughter to subtly know that I’m receiving. So instantly there’s this very important subtext about why after becoming a parent I can not have the old sex anymore. But also do not want the new sex out of the context of my new life? Posting this for discussion even though it’s probably confusing. Might delete later because it’s far too revealing!!
Isn't it amazing to meet a man who lives in spaces you didn't think were possible? I'm having a similar experience now and it's like, what planet did you come from? Are you real? Great read!
Can I ask what vibrator you use during sex? (I'm in the market for a new one and have just started doing some research.) Don't feel you have to answer if you're uncomfortable divulging! (But if you want to do an entire post on vibrators/toys, I wouldn't say no. 😂)
This is a bit of a sidebar, but I’d love to know your strategy for matching in Feeld, for example. Is it a mix of looks plus their profile text? How do you know which is worth any of your time?
I'm learning as I go, and making a LOT of mistakes. I used to be too picky on looks but I'm realizing that of course, attraction has so much to do with what they are like as human beings. I find that if I am even a little curious by what I see in their profile, or I find myself going back and looking at a profile multiple times, even if I don't think I'm super attracted to them, it's worth matching and having a text conversation, at least. There are also profile red flags that I pay attention to (if they seem like assholes basically). But I find I can tell a lot about a person by how they engage via text -- if they seem genuinely interested in me, etc. Of course, everything also depends on what you're looking for! For a while, I didn't care if guys were interested in me as a person or just sex, because I just just wanted sex too. Now I guess I am getting a little pickier!
Curious about your experience with Feeld. I assume you have to pay to get decent interaction, no? Cuz the free version has been pretty useless! Also how long do you generally text with folks before meeting up?
Thanks for humoring me. Your shared experience is very useful. I’m in a grey zone right now bc we haven’t worked out the details and begun to separate our actual day-to-day (I.e., My libido isn’t resting its head as we continue to cohabitate without specific days/evenings for solo exploration). That’s all to say there is no beast to feed right now.
Additionally, I’m also really nervous abt trying out app life for DTF’ing in spite of my strong desire to go out and get ‘em. One funny is that even though I absolutely DO NOT want a relationship, I’m turned off by the partnered folks practicing ENM, which is basically 90% of my PNW city 🤷🏻♀️
The mind is our most powerful sex organ ... sex plus emotional intimacy is more potent than any casual sex ... sometimes the mind doesn't respond as quickly as the body. I learned the first two in college, the last at age 49. When I first met my current partner I wasn't sure. Then when he texted a few days later, I realized I was thrilled to hear from him. When covid hit 18 months later, he moved in, and my kids were delighted. Now they call him their stepdad, though we're not married. And it's blissful. Enjoy wherever it takes you!
By leaving this comment I’m hoping that I’m signalling to the universe that I too would like an energy healer. I’m long overdue. Please, universe, hear my prayers?
😸 I also don’t mind if I do!
I’m dying to be unclogged!!
“I’ve never been with someone who is not, on some level, terrified by my intensity.”
This is so fascinating!!!! And yet I’m a little put off by his response of “I live in these spaces.” Like did you not want to be affirmed or him to reciprocate with equal vulnerability? Maybe I’m too sensitive! But I would have wanted someone to say at the very least that yes, they were enjoying that same level of satisfaction.
Either way I think you have met what they call in kink communities a real “pleasure dom.” Do you think? Is his energy subtle but also commanding? Feels like so many men use this title but they aren’t doing what you’ve described this man as doing which is practicing attainment in such a sophisticated way. Which, I’d argue as a mom, is essential to being a good parent as well.
So many questions!!! But also thank you for writing this — it’s giving me life. And also it’s so political. THIS is what the right wingers don’t want women to feel. THIS freedom is what the anti-abortion movement it’s really about - it’s about limiting women’s access to the pleasure of experiencing the power of their own bodies which is arguably the most important power there is.
Ah, yes, good points. I left out some context -- he HAS reciprocated, albeit not sharing the same level of detail. He's indicated that he also has strong feelings, and he's opened up about things in his life and shown a lot of vulnerability. I do get the sense that he is a bit slower to open up verbally than I am, though, in general.
Re: pleasure dom..... hmm! He's not particularly commanding and often defers to me, so I don't get the sense that he's a dom, but I'll be honest and say that I am not sure I'd know how to recognize one if I encountered one! (I think the guy who spit in my mouth was definitely a dom though! Just not a pleasure one, ha.)
So true that this is political -- I couldn't agree more!
"There is such a deep feeling of relief in finally meeting someone like this: Who’s curious about me, really and truly sees me, and is not afraid of me. My whole life, I’ve dialed my intensity down, made myself smaller, to make other men comfortable."
Can I have this, too?
I hope I can offer this piece of advice without coming off as condescending (if that’s even the right word..)- especially since you’ve already sort of done what I’m about to suggest. But if you find yourself reallly liking him, or falling in love with him, I’d continue to be honest and have a serious talk about intentions, because if you’re both not on the same page with where you see or hope the relationship is heading, you’re going to have to make the decision to cut ties. But until you get to that road, if you even do, I wish you many more life altering, best of the best romps with this apparent… sex shaman 🤣
Yes, 100%. I have been thinking about this. We did have a conversation about it towards the beginning, and we both said the same thing, which is that we weren't really sure what we were looking for (in general - not necessarily with each other). But of course, things are changing fast. One issue is that I'm still not really sure what *I* want! I really like him, obviously, but I find it hard to disentangle what I've been socialized to do when I really like someone (commitment + monogamy) from what I actually want (again, I am not totally sure). I'll talk about all of this in a future post.... But yes, either way, open communication will be key.
Yeah I never would have been brave enough to write this but I have gotten totally heartbroken in a similar situation — but there was a lot more (in my mind at least) that was on the line. I indicated it in my other comment but as a parent I feel like the only adult man I want around my daughter as a father figure is a man with whom I have this kind of sex with! It is certainly counterintuitive!!! But I feel like this is what they talk about when they talk about being deeply honored by someone and that’s the kind of feeling I want my daughter to subtly know that I’m receiving. So instantly there’s this very important subtext about why after becoming a parent I can not have the old sex anymore. But also do not want the new sex out of the context of my new life? Posting this for discussion even though it’s probably confusing. Might delete later because it’s far too revealing!!
What a radical thought, I love that having amazing sex is actually deeply honoring you. Genius.
I love this too!!!!
Over here cheering from the Substack sidelines like YESSSS you get that chemistry altering sex 🙌🏼
HARD SAME!!
I know a man like your energy healer. Intimately. And it's mind-blowing. 🫠
It's amazing, right??? 🔥🔥🔥
Oh my fucking gods....!!!
🤗😈
I
Isn't it amazing to meet a man who lives in spaces you didn't think were possible? I'm having a similar experience now and it's like, what planet did you come from? Are you real? Great read!
Haha, yes, those are questions I have been asking myself! It's totally amazing!
So glad you are experiencing something similar, it's quite a ride!!
Simultaneously jealous and so excited for you. 😂
Can I ask what vibrator you use during sex? (I'm in the market for a new one and have just started doing some research.) Don't feel you have to answer if you're uncomfortable divulging! (But if you want to do an entire post on vibrators/toys, I wouldn't say no. 😂)
The Dame Pom! I will definitely do a post on vibrators! https://dame.com/products/pom?variant=41231014428855
Ah, EXCELLENT!
Feeling so many things about the unclogging metaphor. Wish I couldn’t relate so hard to feeling clogged in my sexual energy and agency.
Oh, I know this feeling. And it’s divine. I hope it works out for both of you, in whatever way you want it to.
This is a bit of a sidebar, but I’d love to know your strategy for matching in Feeld, for example. Is it a mix of looks plus their profile text? How do you know which is worth any of your time?
I'm learning as I go, and making a LOT of mistakes. I used to be too picky on looks but I'm realizing that of course, attraction has so much to do with what they are like as human beings. I find that if I am even a little curious by what I see in their profile, or I find myself going back and looking at a profile multiple times, even if I don't think I'm super attracted to them, it's worth matching and having a text conversation, at least. There are also profile red flags that I pay attention to (if they seem like assholes basically). But I find I can tell a lot about a person by how they engage via text -- if they seem genuinely interested in me, etc. Of course, everything also depends on what you're looking for! For a while, I didn't care if guys were interested in me as a person or just sex, because I just just wanted sex too. Now I guess I am getting a little pickier!
Curious about your experience with Feeld. I assume you have to pay to get decent interaction, no? Cuz the free version has been pretty useless! Also how long do you generally text with folks before meeting up?
Thanks for humoring me. Your shared experience is very useful. I’m in a grey zone right now bc we haven’t worked out the details and begun to separate our actual day-to-day (I.e., My libido isn’t resting its head as we continue to cohabitate without specific days/evenings for solo exploration). That’s all to say there is no beast to feed right now.
Additionally, I’m also really nervous abt trying out app life for DTF’ing in spite of my strong desire to go out and get ‘em. One funny is that even though I absolutely DO NOT want a relationship, I’m turned off by the partnered folks practicing ENM, which is basically 90% of my PNW city 🤷🏻♀️
Yeah, baby. Get it.
The mind is our most powerful sex organ ... sex plus emotional intimacy is more potent than any casual sex ... sometimes the mind doesn't respond as quickly as the body. I learned the first two in college, the last at age 49. When I first met my current partner I wasn't sure. Then when he texted a few days later, I realized I was thrilled to hear from him. When covid hit 18 months later, he moved in, and my kids were delighted. Now they call him their stepdad, though we're not married. And it's blissful. Enjoy wherever it takes you!
I look forward to your stories!
Love this for you. 🙌🏻💖
Thrilled for you and congrats on your cry-gasm!! That's what I call the intense ones that bring tears haha
ha, perfect name!