“Suddenly, the tenor of my evening was no longer determined by the way a man closed the front door — and I felt so free.” THIS. Thank you for putting this into words. This is the freedom that I’m looking for.
I also think it may be men noticing that many women are flaming mad and thinking that perhaps they want sex as a way to let those emotions out...or enjoy the freedom to do so before things go more sideways. So they may be taking advantage of that rather than expecting women to fix their feelings about anything. Equally bad!
Exactly! Like they know how devastating this election has been for women, yet (per usual), make it about their misery and their feelings and completely miss the point 🤦♀️ like sure Chad, my rights as a woman we're just taken away. But let me do something to make YOU feel better. Give me a break.
Personally I think it’s about preying on women who are in a vulnerable state, and thus, “easier.” Like when they try to swoop in after a bad breakup, funeral, traumatic time, etc. This is an old trope often played off as a “joke” but it’s incredibly predatory and unhealthy that men think “time for sex!” When women are sad.
Lady, what a great post. I felt like highlighting the whole thing 😆, literally. So enjoying your writing, I just discovered it and am reading from the bottom up so to speak.
“These men probably don’t have close friends they can process their feelings with, because they have been raised in a society that tells them male friendships should be superficial. These men probably don’t have therapists because they believe that working on themselves is a mark of vulnerability. So instead, when they feel fragile, they seek out women they hardly know, asking those women to hold their feelings and lift their spirits.”
Oof yes. I remember during my marriage to a man, I confided in a friend about our lack of sex. Our kids played together and our husbands were friends too. She had responded with similar struggles in her own relationship, which made me feel less alone. I mentioned it to my then-husband and he was furious that I’d shared it with anyone. I told him I was telling him so he would know it was a normal thing post-kids, but also because I thought he could talk to her husband for support because he was going through the same thing. He was horrified at the idea. One time I asked him what he and his friend talked about on their hours-long weekly Sunday bike rides, or weekend-long trips. He said they just talked about bikes and hikes, but they didnt really share anything about their lives. It always seemed so lonely—and was exhausting for me, because all that emotional processing fell to me to do with him.
"This is about guys dismissing women until they desire something from them. This is about guys conceiving of women’s bodies as tools for their pleasure. This is about guys expecting women to hold, manage, and fix their feelings."
Since women are receptive in nature, when we have sex with men, we are literally being penetrated by whatever they have going on in their psyches. No thanks. You can keep your feelings to yourself.
Ha! Not only have the booty calls begun, but I’ve got men texting me and asking if I could read their writing! One of them actually said to me, “I know you get paid to do this, but…” 😭😭😂
"This is about guys conceiving of women’s bodies as tools for their pleasure. This is about guys expecting women to hold, manage, and fix their feelings."
I keep saying it. The way men were taught to be masculine is the cause of 80% of social problems.
Talk about rape culture, racism, substance abuse, and mass murder are all as a result of men's weak emotions.
When a man cannot control his ego, anger or fears he results to destruction either to himself or to those around him.
Men need to fix their attitude towards their selfworth and stop thinking they are entitled to everything and anyone.
“Suddenly, the tenor of my evening was no longer determined by the way a man closed the front door — and I felt so free.” THIS. Thank you for putting this into words. This is the freedom that I’m looking for.
Came here to quote the saaaaame thing. Aaaah. What freedom feels like.
I was going to say this in the comments, too Di! So SO true. It’s been hard to articulate my feeling of freedom, but this captures some of it. ❤️
I also think it may be men noticing that many women are flaming mad and thinking that perhaps they want sex as a way to let those emotions out...or enjoy the freedom to do so before things go more sideways. So they may be taking advantage of that rather than expecting women to fix their feelings about anything. Equally bad!
Exactly! Like they know how devastating this election has been for women, yet (per usual), make it about their misery and their feelings and completely miss the point 🤦♀️ like sure Chad, my rights as a woman we're just taken away. But let me do something to make YOU feel better. Give me a break.
Ugh also so gross!!
Personally I think it’s about preying on women who are in a vulnerable state, and thus, “easier.” Like when they try to swoop in after a bad breakup, funeral, traumatic time, etc. This is an old trope often played off as a “joke” but it’s incredibly predatory and unhealthy that men think “time for sex!” When women are sad.
Oh good point, yes!
The new meaning of "You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone." Wow. So accurate in my own life right now.
Lady, what a great post. I felt like highlighting the whole thing 😆, literally. So enjoying your writing, I just discovered it and am reading from the bottom up so to speak.
Thanks for articulating this. It really resonates.
“These men probably don’t have close friends they can process their feelings with, because they have been raised in a society that tells them male friendships should be superficial. These men probably don’t have therapists because they believe that working on themselves is a mark of vulnerability. So instead, when they feel fragile, they seek out women they hardly know, asking those women to hold their feelings and lift their spirits.”
Oof yes. I remember during my marriage to a man, I confided in a friend about our lack of sex. Our kids played together and our husbands were friends too. She had responded with similar struggles in her own relationship, which made me feel less alone. I mentioned it to my then-husband and he was furious that I’d shared it with anyone. I told him I was telling him so he would know it was a normal thing post-kids, but also because I thought he could talk to her husband for support because he was going through the same thing. He was horrified at the idea. One time I asked him what he and his friend talked about on their hours-long weekly Sunday bike rides, or weekend-long trips. He said they just talked about bikes and hikes, but they didnt really share anything about their lives. It always seemed so lonely—and was exhausting for me, because all that emotional processing fell to me to do with him.
"This is about guys dismissing women until they desire something from them. This is about guys conceiving of women’s bodies as tools for their pleasure. This is about guys expecting women to hold, manage, and fix their feelings."
Since women are receptive in nature, when we have sex with men, we are literally being penetrated by whatever they have going on in their psyches. No thanks. You can keep your feelings to yourself.
Ha! Not only have the booty calls begun, but I’ve got men texting me and asking if I could read their writing! One of them actually said to me, “I know you get paid to do this, but…” 😭😭😂
UGH.
"This is about guys conceiving of women’s bodies as tools for their pleasure. This is about guys expecting women to hold, manage, and fix their feelings."
I keep saying it. The way men were taught to be masculine is the cause of 80% of social problems.
Talk about rape culture, racism, substance abuse, and mass murder are all as a result of men's weak emotions.
When a man cannot control his ego, anger or fears he results to destruction either to himself or to those around him.
Men need to fix their attitude towards their selfworth and stop thinking they are entitled to everything and anyone.