I researched starting an anonymous substack about a year ago, so that I could write openly and honestly about marriage, inequities, deciding to stay or leave, separation, the whole divorce process, etc..., and when I went through all the things necessary to write anonymously, and discovered where it wasn't airtight security, the risk for me wasn't worth it (b/c hey, if discovered, and it could be, it could be used against the writer in any divorce proceedings!). I was so excited finding your substack the other week -- I realized here was a woman actually doing what I set out to do (writing anonymously so the full truth could be written). It made me start looking at my whole project again b/c it was possible! You were doing it! Maybe something had changed and made it more airtight?
I totally understand what you're saying here in this post, I get it. And here's the thing, women can't write the truth unless they're willing to blow up their lives. That's essentially it. B/c that's the other side of it. And most women, myself included, won't take that risk. Literally can't take that risk. So men benefit from the silence. All the women who are silent, not sharing their truth, b/c the risk to their lives is too great. And the daughters aren't being taught, and the sons aren't learning, and the system, as it were, stays in place. And the women feel isolated. And they sit in their own stuff, take it to their journal and their close friends, but there is no broader community being created. The ones "on the other side" who are speaking/writing gather those women who can't yet speak/write, but even then, you can't comment publicly on public posts (unsafe), anything on the internet can be screenshot and shared with whomever, and many many women continue to remain silent and unable to share their truth.
I hope your project continues, and I hope no one puts any effort into "sleuthing you out" (like, who would do that -- respect the writer who wants to be anonymous). I can't wait to read more.
May your anonymity be protected and you be safe to explore and share as wildly and fully as you desire. Looking forward to reading about your adventures.
Keep it up! I also endorse your choice to write the truth anonymously. And I thank you for doing so. While not everyone can risk saying the truth, if those who can, do, then we can possibly make progress towards dismantling the unfair double standard
I would love to write anonymously about my family, but as Aileen said, if found out, it would blow up my life. I had been considering doing it as recently as last week, but the fear of retribution is too great. I hope you fight your fears and keep doing what you’re doing.
It's awful that we have to feel this way, isn't it. I write about my life as a mum mostly and still have that fear - not of the content, so much, but of judgement for taking the time for myself in order to be able to write in the first place. Society definitely thinks we shouldn't be taking that time, and it sucks
For what it's worth, I think it's great that you're writing this. The more funny female voices the better.
I really enjoy all your writing! My sister and I have both been married for a long time (she’s been married 10 years, and I’ve been married 11 years), but we both have been reading every post for the last few weeks, and it’s been a conversation starter with my mom and even my grandma (she thinks you sound funny too).
I started writing my Substack in August of 2023 because I wanted a creative outlet. I am a mom and a wife and an infant teacher, so all those roles require a lot of me, and I wanted something more. I have carefully chosen what I want to share, and I have had people tell me that they appreciate my willingness to share my infertility journey openly. I tend to overshare all the time, so I don’t even think all that hard about doing it anymore. Part of having infertility means that I get a lot of questions about my sex life and if we’re still having fun trying. I generally just say yes, it’s still fun, but I am usually only super open about sex with a handful of close friends and family members.
I researched starting an anonymous substack about a year ago, so that I could write openly and honestly about marriage, inequities, deciding to stay or leave, separation, the whole divorce process, etc..., and when I went through all the things necessary to write anonymously, and discovered where it wasn't airtight security, the risk for me wasn't worth it (b/c hey, if discovered, and it could be, it could be used against the writer in any divorce proceedings!). I was so excited finding your substack the other week -- I realized here was a woman actually doing what I set out to do (writing anonymously so the full truth could be written). It made me start looking at my whole project again b/c it was possible! You were doing it! Maybe something had changed and made it more airtight?
I totally understand what you're saying here in this post, I get it. And here's the thing, women can't write the truth unless they're willing to blow up their lives. That's essentially it. B/c that's the other side of it. And most women, myself included, won't take that risk. Literally can't take that risk. So men benefit from the silence. All the women who are silent, not sharing their truth, b/c the risk to their lives is too great. And the daughters aren't being taught, and the sons aren't learning, and the system, as it were, stays in place. And the women feel isolated. And they sit in their own stuff, take it to their journal and their close friends, but there is no broader community being created. The ones "on the other side" who are speaking/writing gather those women who can't yet speak/write, but even then, you can't comment publicly on public posts (unsafe), anything on the internet can be screenshot and shared with whomever, and many many women continue to remain silent and unable to share their truth.
I hope your project continues, and I hope no one puts any effort into "sleuthing you out" (like, who would do that -- respect the writer who wants to be anonymous). I can't wait to read more.
May your anonymity be protected and you be safe to explore and share as wildly and fully as you desire. Looking forward to reading about your adventures.
Say it louder! As a pediatrician who writes about human sexuality, I enthusiastically endorse this message.
Keep it up! I also endorse your choice to write the truth anonymously. And I thank you for doing so. While not everyone can risk saying the truth, if those who can, do, then we can possibly make progress towards dismantling the unfair double standard
I would love to write anonymously about my family, but as Aileen said, if found out, it would blow up my life. I had been considering doing it as recently as last week, but the fear of retribution is too great. I hope you fight your fears and keep doing what you’re doing.
It's awful that we have to feel this way, isn't it. I write about my life as a mum mostly and still have that fear - not of the content, so much, but of judgement for taking the time for myself in order to be able to write in the first place. Society definitely thinks we shouldn't be taking that time, and it sucks
For what it's worth, I think it's great that you're writing this. The more funny female voices the better.
I really enjoy all your writing! My sister and I have both been married for a long time (she’s been married 10 years, and I’ve been married 11 years), but we both have been reading every post for the last few weeks, and it’s been a conversation starter with my mom and even my grandma (she thinks you sound funny too).
I started writing my Substack in August of 2023 because I wanted a creative outlet. I am a mom and a wife and an infant teacher, so all those roles require a lot of me, and I wanted something more. I have carefully chosen what I want to share, and I have had people tell me that they appreciate my willingness to share my infertility journey openly. I tend to overshare all the time, so I don’t even think all that hard about doing it anymore. Part of having infertility means that I get a lot of questions about my sex life and if we’re still having fun trying. I generally just say yes, it’s still fun, but I am usually only super open about sex with a handful of close friends and family members.