Loved to read this! On the same path as you, so reading your stories is a delight! Thank you! 🙏🙏
What’s this thing that men who use their fingers to stimulate, but FIRST put spit on their fingers. Without even noticing what’s already happening down there 🫥Don’t know why, but I’m so groced out by that action! First time I didn’t see it coming. Second time I said: ‘whoa, go check it out there, explore, gently, I love that. It’ll take some time, but I will get ready. Trust me.’ It felt so empowering to say that. 😊 thoughts are welcome. Reading I’m not the only one, helps too 🤓
Oh gosh yes .... men have done this to me too and I don't love it either. Like how about you check first, because perhaps my own fluids will suffice! So glad you spoke up about it!!
Love this post! Super critical for awesome orgasms also is relaxing the pelvic floor, making lots of noise (your vocal cords are connected to your pelvic floor), and using diaphraghmatic breathing (expanding tummy on inhale, releasing on exhale). all of these have been life changing for me. @vaginerehabdoctor on instagram has lots of amazing posts & resources on this!!
Ohh I want more info on the relaxing part! OMGYES talks about how a lot of women clench/flex their muscles and it helps them orgasm. And I tend to do that. But it sounds like you're suggesting the opposite...? Or is it just that you want to be sure you're relaxing the pelvic floor muscles specifically?
Yes! I used to do the same... i know it seems counterintuitive but that clenching actually makes it significantly more difficult to orgasm & damages your pelvic floor. Combining the relaxed body with the breathing technique & putting a pillow under your hips if needed can make your orgasms happen faster & be much more intense :) also helps w selecting partners because you start really looking for people you feel comfortable with so you can achieve that relaxed state!
I think that in general women don’t talk enough to each other about what they like, and that’s what makes us feel weird when in actuality, so many of us are so similar. I talk to a handful of close friends and we all super rarely have an orgasm from intercourse and often use vibrators with our husbands (our husbands are all supportive of using them as just another part of the experience to make sure that everyone has an orgasm nearly every time). I have never faked anything with my husband, but because he had had a number of casual hookups prior to when we started dating, I have to think that some of his hookups probably did fake orgasms.
I was extremely insecure when we started having sex pretty early on in our relationship about being “bad at sex” because I hadn’t had intercourse with anyone before him; that made me less comfortable telling him what I wanted or even really knowing specifically what I wanted. To my husband’s credit he was always trying to get me to talk more early on, but I think purity culture also had an effect and made the situation more awkward. We figured things out eventually, but I wish I had been more comfortable early on because we wasted a lot of time with me not being specific and him not knowing what I wanted because I wouldn’t/couldn’t tell him.
Rocking!?! Wow, I’ve never heard of that before and need to try it!! I have NEVER come from intercourse alone and long ago accepted that I probably never would, but maybe…?
Have you watched the episode of “Explained” on Netflix with Rachel Bloom taking about the female orgasm? A lot of the stuff you’ve said here dovetails nicely with that episode.
Point number 4, on indirect clitoral stimulation. Never in a million years did i think I'd find someone else who enjoys that. I always thought i was weird or "difficult".
I don't think anybody wants their partner to change things up just when they're building torward an orgasm. I keep this in mind when I'm doing something.
JC is just sharing some different perspectives here. You are right, JC, or any man for that matter, cannot speak for women. And that goes for women pretending to speak for men as well. That is not a bad thing at all, but respectful communication that goes both ways might be the key to mutual understanding and downstream from that better sex. Anyway, just my two cents. By the way, i am 29, male, mostly considered quite good looking. I'm unhappy with myself and am insecure in the bedroom. This fear of incompetence is crippling. Even though it gets a bit better through rigorous therapy, this demon might never really go away. It makes me sad to see such hostility and mutual misunderstanding. Women are awesome. So are men. The majority is. I wish we would speak more with each other instead of about the opposite sex. I have a lot to learn about women's sexual pleasure. Please lecture me! In the process you might even learn a bit from me too. ;)
As far as changing things up when you're close - that's not intentional, it's an unintended effect of saying something and pointing it out, which makes us think and takes us out of the flow.
Thanks for the directness. If I ever have sex again (it’s complicated) I’ll try to keep these things in mind, and listen with all my senses to what my partner is asking for.
I have totally had the experience of him changing it up instead of continuing whatever is feeling good! Why?!? I will never understand why they don’t listen.
I think the main issue here is people being overly focused on orgasm instead of pleasure, which is what counts.
Every woman is different - I've known many women who really like their clit licked in the way you're not into.
As far as grinding/rocking goes, that tends to be kind of uncomfortable for us if there's no thrusting involved. I usually do a combination of grinding, circular movements, and thrusting in and out.
It is wild that you’ve left more comments here than anyone else when you have zero ways of speaking for women. If you’re comfortable being this obnoxious in a public forum I cannot imagine you’re a great listener to women you’re sleeping with.
It's not so much that the sex was categorically "bad" during my marriage, or we weren't doing things in bed that I couldn't have enjoyed. It's that I didn't have any desire. And that's a direct result of the various imbalances and inequities in our relationship, which stem from patriarchal norms and expectations. Also, sex in my marriage felt like a duty. Now that I'm freed of all that, and having sex on my own terms, my desire has come flooding back.
Loved to read this! On the same path as you, so reading your stories is a delight! Thank you! 🙏🙏
What’s this thing that men who use their fingers to stimulate, but FIRST put spit on their fingers. Without even noticing what’s already happening down there 🫥Don’t know why, but I’m so groced out by that action! First time I didn’t see it coming. Second time I said: ‘whoa, go check it out there, explore, gently, I love that. It’ll take some time, but I will get ready. Trust me.’ It felt so empowering to say that. 😊 thoughts are welcome. Reading I’m not the only one, helps too 🤓
Oh gosh yes .... men have done this to me too and I don't love it either. Like how about you check first, because perhaps my own fluids will suffice! So glad you spoke up about it!!
Love this post! Super critical for awesome orgasms also is relaxing the pelvic floor, making lots of noise (your vocal cords are connected to your pelvic floor), and using diaphraghmatic breathing (expanding tummy on inhale, releasing on exhale). all of these have been life changing for me. @vaginerehabdoctor on instagram has lots of amazing posts & resources on this!!
Ohh I want more info on the relaxing part! OMGYES talks about how a lot of women clench/flex their muscles and it helps them orgasm. And I tend to do that. But it sounds like you're suggesting the opposite...? Or is it just that you want to be sure you're relaxing the pelvic floor muscles specifically?
Yes! I used to do the same... i know it seems counterintuitive but that clenching actually makes it significantly more difficult to orgasm & damages your pelvic floor. Combining the relaxed body with the breathing technique & putting a pillow under your hips if needed can make your orgasms happen faster & be much more intense :) also helps w selecting partners because you start really looking for people you feel comfortable with so you can achieve that relaxed state!
Thank you -- this is great to know!!!
I think that in general women don’t talk enough to each other about what they like, and that’s what makes us feel weird when in actuality, so many of us are so similar. I talk to a handful of close friends and we all super rarely have an orgasm from intercourse and often use vibrators with our husbands (our husbands are all supportive of using them as just another part of the experience to make sure that everyone has an orgasm nearly every time). I have never faked anything with my husband, but because he had had a number of casual hookups prior to when we started dating, I have to think that some of his hookups probably did fake orgasms.
I was extremely insecure when we started having sex pretty early on in our relationship about being “bad at sex” because I hadn’t had intercourse with anyone before him; that made me less comfortable telling him what I wanted or even really knowing specifically what I wanted. To my husband’s credit he was always trying to get me to talk more early on, but I think purity culture also had an effect and made the situation more awkward. We figured things out eventually, but I wish I had been more comfortable early on because we wasted a lot of time with me not being specific and him not knowing what I wanted because I wouldn’t/couldn’t tell him.
Rocking!?! Wow, I’ve never heard of that before and need to try it!! I have NEVER come from intercourse alone and long ago accepted that I probably never would, but maybe…?
Have you watched the episode of “Explained” on Netflix with Rachel Bloom taking about the female orgasm? A lot of the stuff you’ve said here dovetails nicely with that episode.
Point number 4, on indirect clitoral stimulation. Never in a million years did i think I'd find someone else who enjoys that. I always thought i was weird or "difficult".
Huh, thank you for this 🙏🏾
I have to be warm as fuck in bed or else I get anxiety!!! me @my hos: let me wear socks!!!
I don't think anybody wants their partner to change things up just when they're building torward an orgasm. I keep this in mind when I'm doing something.
JC is just sharing some different perspectives here. You are right, JC, or any man for that matter, cannot speak for women. And that goes for women pretending to speak for men as well. That is not a bad thing at all, but respectful communication that goes both ways might be the key to mutual understanding and downstream from that better sex. Anyway, just my two cents. By the way, i am 29, male, mostly considered quite good looking. I'm unhappy with myself and am insecure in the bedroom. This fear of incompetence is crippling. Even though it gets a bit better through rigorous therapy, this demon might never really go away. It makes me sad to see such hostility and mutual misunderstanding. Women are awesome. So are men. The majority is. I wish we would speak more with each other instead of about the opposite sex. I have a lot to learn about women's sexual pleasure. Please lecture me! In the process you might even learn a bit from me too. ;)
nearly every man stopped doing the thing i told him to continue and many of my friends experienced the same. Why??.
Because you suddenly made us aware of it and we had to think about it. It makes us suddenly snap out of what we were doing.
As far as changing things up when you're close - that's not intentional, it's an unintended effect of saying something and pointing it out, which makes us think and takes us out of the flow.
Thanks for the directness. If I ever have sex again (it’s complicated) I’ll try to keep these things in mind, and listen with all my senses to what my partner is asking for.
I have totally had the experience of him changing it up instead of continuing whatever is feeling good! Why?!? I will never understand why they don’t listen.
I think the main issue here is people being overly focused on orgasm instead of pleasure, which is what counts.
Every woman is different - I've known many women who really like their clit licked in the way you're not into.
As far as grinding/rocking goes, that tends to be kind of uncomfortable for us if there's no thrusting involved. I usually do a combination of grinding, circular movements, and thrusting in and out.
It is wild that you’ve left more comments here than anyone else when you have zero ways of speaking for women. If you’re comfortable being this obnoxious in a public forum I cannot imagine you’re a great listener to women you’re sleeping with.
It's not so much that the sex was categorically "bad" during my marriage, or we weren't doing things in bed that I couldn't have enjoyed. It's that I didn't have any desire. And that's a direct result of the various imbalances and inequities in our relationship, which stem from patriarchal norms and expectations. Also, sex in my marriage felt like a duty. Now that I'm freed of all that, and having sex on my own terms, my desire has come flooding back.