YES. EVERY WORD. And thank you for including me, here! I’m working on a future column about how viagra is for women, actually, and the notion that men take it for themselves (women politicize “dick pills” all the time!) is another way women deprioritize our pleasure! One cannot enjoy sex without a hard dick and there is no shame in saying that out loud!
Reading your essay ASAP!! Honestly as a queer woman I have the knee-jerk reaction that of course women don't *need* penises to enjoy sex but this is such a good reminder that all women deserve to be having the sex we want to be having, and for a lot of women that does mean having a partner with a functioning penis and there is no shame in that any more than requiring cunnilingus or anything else we may desire from our partners
THIS. Exactly. Thank you. Totally agree and recognize the knee-jerk response. Also some of us need penetration to come/enjoy sex! And a LOT of men who can’t get hard are NOT comfortable with dildos or vibes as replacement. Women suffer as much as men do from ED is my point. It is a woman’s issue as much as it’s a man’s issue. Especially at a certain age.
Im enjoying your writing and sharing so much. You are a much needed voice.
I’m a few months shy of 60, separated/divorcing for the last 4 years and my libido has never been stronger. I’ve had the hottest, most intense sex of my life this decade.
Like you, I was dating and could be choosy about my lovers.
I’m currently in an amazing relationship with a man who puts my orgasm first (gah. And gives me multiples-no man had ever even given me one) and he/the sex with him is THE BEST of my life. And he says I’m the best of his.
At 59! Woohoo! Don’t buy into that BS that it’s all downhill. Nope.
My perimenopausal orgasms are awesome. Bigger than before. Deeper. I love this phase of my physical experience + expression. Here’s to grabbing one’s libido and gushing, wildly, together towards whatever comes next (see that pun there???).
Oh my gosh yes!!! It's still going and very fun.... I just woke up to a text from him that said nothing other than "bend you over the kitchen table." LOL.
Not only is it possible for desire to continue and grow in perimenopause, it is also possible for a woman’s experience of orgasm to keep expanding and deepening.
Aaaahhhh! I'm reading All Fours now! (Listening to the audiobook, actually, and July's narration is phenomenal.) I'm just past the part you mentioned, and loved her description of male hormones only slightly decreasing, as though it were a leisurely walk down a small hill. Whereas for *us*, we notice. It's not a small hill. But hopefully I won't have to go over that cliff! I'm rather enjoying finally having a sex drive again, after so long without.
I've actually been working on a piece about the book, but not about the hormones and libido. She hit on a couple other points that felt like she was inside my mind, so I wanted to explore that.
I'm 39 and in a very happy marriage with great sex, but I've been feeling very worried about what my next decade will bring. My desire is definitely highest at ovulation, so what I've inferred is that when I'm not ovulating anymore, obviously my desire won't be as high. That is a terrifying thought. It's also why I'm so relieved to get my eyes on content like yours, because it's encouraging that a loss of libido in peri-menopause and menopause is not a forgone conclusion.
You mentioned that natural lubrication is not a problem in peri-menopause -- I have yet to find a straight answer about menopause. Once cycles have totally stopped for over a year, will our bodies still lubricate naturally?
YES. EVERY WORD. And thank you for including me, here! I’m working on a future column about how viagra is for women, actually, and the notion that men take it for themselves (women politicize “dick pills” all the time!) is another way women deprioritize our pleasure! One cannot enjoy sex without a hard dick and there is no shame in saying that out loud!
Reading your essay ASAP!! Honestly as a queer woman I have the knee-jerk reaction that of course women don't *need* penises to enjoy sex but this is such a good reminder that all women deserve to be having the sex we want to be having, and for a lot of women that does mean having a partner with a functioning penis and there is no shame in that any more than requiring cunnilingus or anything else we may desire from our partners
THIS. Exactly. Thank you. Totally agree and recognize the knee-jerk response. Also some of us need penetration to come/enjoy sex! And a LOT of men who can’t get hard are NOT comfortable with dildos or vibes as replacement. Women suffer as much as men do from ED is my point. It is a woman’s issue as much as it’s a man’s issue. Especially at a certain age.
Thank you and I cannot WAIT to read your piece about viagra!!
❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥
*intercourse, to be clear
Im enjoying your writing and sharing so much. You are a much needed voice.
I’m a few months shy of 60, separated/divorcing for the last 4 years and my libido has never been stronger. I’ve had the hottest, most intense sex of my life this decade.
Like you, I was dating and could be choosy about my lovers.
I’m currently in an amazing relationship with a man who puts my orgasm first (gah. And gives me multiples-no man had ever even given me one) and he/the sex with him is THE BEST of my life. And he says I’m the best of his.
At 59! Woohoo! Don’t buy into that BS that it’s all downhill. Nope.
Yessssssssssss!!!!!!!
My perimenopausal orgasms are awesome. Bigger than before. Deeper. I love this phase of my physical experience + expression. Here’s to grabbing one’s libido and gushing, wildly, together towards whatever comes next (see that pun there???).
This is fascinating! I had no idea orgasms could/do intensify during perimenopause. I LOVE IT.
Fun to hear that things are still hot and heavy with the A/C guy!
Oh my gosh yes!!! It's still going and very fun.... I just woke up to a text from him that said nothing other than "bend you over the kitchen table." LOL.
I thought that too 😆
Not only is it possible for desire to continue and grow in perimenopause, it is also possible for a woman’s experience of orgasm to keep expanding and deepening.
I love this! I want to write about orgasms soon!
Aaaahhhh! I'm reading All Fours now! (Listening to the audiobook, actually, and July's narration is phenomenal.) I'm just past the part you mentioned, and loved her description of male hormones only slightly decreasing, as though it were a leisurely walk down a small hill. Whereas for *us*, we notice. It's not a small hill. But hopefully I won't have to go over that cliff! I'm rather enjoying finally having a sex drive again, after so long without.
I've actually been working on a piece about the book, but not about the hormones and libido. She hit on a couple other points that felt like she was inside my mind, so I wanted to explore that.
That part of the book had me yelling at the character because at 48, 49, 50 I had BRILLIANT sex!
This popped up in my feed and seems relevant here: https://open.substack.com/pub/pelvichealth/p/sex-menopause-and-your-pelvic-floor?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=pqo5y
I'm 39 and in a very happy marriage with great sex, but I've been feeling very worried about what my next decade will bring. My desire is definitely highest at ovulation, so what I've inferred is that when I'm not ovulating anymore, obviously my desire won't be as high. That is a terrifying thought. It's also why I'm so relieved to get my eyes on content like yours, because it's encouraging that a loss of libido in peri-menopause and menopause is not a forgone conclusion.
You mentioned that natural lubrication is not a problem in peri-menopause -- I have yet to find a straight answer about menopause. Once cycles have totally stopped for over a year, will our bodies still lubricate naturally?