I feel like this is one of the gifts of being a grown ass woman - the freedom to show up as your actual self, knowing that you don't have to be for everyone but the people that are FOR YOU will want your honesty and your being your most authentic self.
Wow, thank you, I needed to hear this. Sometimes I get such fierce imposter syndrome and I'm like "this is dumb, nobody wants to read about my stupid dating life!" and then I read comments like this and I keep going!!!
I'm 32 and have had so many experiences where being honest about my feelings has been too much for past partners. Seeing you do it and it being okay gives me hope. Sending you gratitude and love from Minnesota. <3
Omg! I eagerly await your next post!! Fr. You are an excellent, relatable, insightful writer. So often i feel alone and isolated in this separated on the way to divorce path, and you always remind me that i am not‼️
I really really really want to read about the stupid dating lives of women, because discussion about sex feels still so taboo. Let us enjoy sex and talk about it! It's so easy to be judged so it's comforting to read honest thoughts.
"I’m at a point in my life where I only want to spend my time and emotional energy on people who can handle my honesty and intensity." YES! I'm feeling so overwhelmed (underwhelmed?) by the general Substack vibe these days - not only the political hellhole but just, in general, AI nonsense and patriarchal nonsense seemingly running amok and drowning out the actual writers and thoughtful thinkers - so, PHEW! Reading your post just now, I feel a bit better about the whole shebang. Thank you!
This was such a refreshing read — honest, vulnerable, and really empowering. I love how you framed that moment: not as a game, but as clarity. And how that clarity actually created space for him to show up more fully. Sometimes honoring our own emotional truth is the most generous thing we can do for someone else — whether or not they stay.
I’ve been thinking a lot about this in the context of early conversations too — especially dating, where we’re often told to tone it down, soften, or perform some version of ourselves. It’s what led me to create Charmly (https://charmly.replit.app), a small side project I built to help people (especially women) reply more confidently and clearly in dating convos. Not to manipulate tone — but to own it.
It’s super early, just something I made for fun (not selling anything!), but I’d honestly love feedback if you ever feel like trying it. Your post captures so much of what I’ve been hoping to build toward: emotional honesty without apology.
This was so nice to read, I feel like going through similar motions right now. I realise I am still so careful about the way I behave – don't be too intense! don't get attached! don't show too much interest! – and it is really refreshing to get the opposite reaction. Part of me totally thought I was being ghosted as I am so used to it happening out of the blue, but then the guy I am casually seeing said sorry for not being in touch during a busy week.
Hi Loretta, if you are willing, I would love to know your thoughts about the show Dying for Sex. I loved the show but am not seeing many articles on it.
"If they tell you that you're too much for them, tell them they're welcome to go find *less.*" <-- Sheryl Lee Ralph, said on the Handsome podcast.
I feel like this is one of the gifts of being a grown ass woman - the freedom to show up as your actual self, knowing that you don't have to be for everyone but the people that are FOR YOU will want your honesty and your being your most authentic self.
Wow. I think this post healed me a little.
Wow, thank you, I needed to hear this. Sometimes I get such fierce imposter syndrome and I'm like "this is dumb, nobody wants to read about my stupid dating life!" and then I read comments like this and I keep going!!!
I'm 32 and have had so many experiences where being honest about my feelings has been too much for past partners. Seeing you do it and it being okay gives me hope. Sending you gratitude and love from Minnesota. <3
Omg! I eagerly await your next post!! Fr. You are an excellent, relatable, insightful writer. So often i feel alone and isolated in this separated on the way to divorce path, and you always remind me that i am not‼️
I want to read about it because I'm still married and really miss sex. I appreciate you sharing your experiences.
I really really really want to read about the stupid dating lives of women, because discussion about sex feels still so taboo. Let us enjoy sex and talk about it! It's so easy to be judged so it's comforting to read honest thoughts.
Me too. And i needed it.
Isn’t it amazing what can happen when we are thoughtful and vulnerable with others in our life? And then that energy can boomerang back to us.
I don’t know about a unicorn,I do think you have a dragon and it sounds as if he’s already been trained .Enjoy the flight
"I’m at a point in my life where I only want to spend my time and emotional energy on people who can handle my honesty and intensity." YES! I'm feeling so overwhelmed (underwhelmed?) by the general Substack vibe these days - not only the political hellhole but just, in general, AI nonsense and patriarchal nonsense seemingly running amok and drowning out the actual writers and thoughtful thinkers - so, PHEW! Reading your post just now, I feel a bit better about the whole shebang. Thank you!
yay!
Well done, you!
Enjoy the ride!
WOW!! I love this for you! (and him)
This was such a refreshing read — honest, vulnerable, and really empowering. I love how you framed that moment: not as a game, but as clarity. And how that clarity actually created space for him to show up more fully. Sometimes honoring our own emotional truth is the most generous thing we can do for someone else — whether or not they stay.
I’ve been thinking a lot about this in the context of early conversations too — especially dating, where we’re often told to tone it down, soften, or perform some version of ourselves. It’s what led me to create Charmly (https://charmly.replit.app), a small side project I built to help people (especially women) reply more confidently and clearly in dating convos. Not to manipulate tone — but to own it.
It’s super early, just something I made for fun (not selling anything!), but I’d honestly love feedback if you ever feel like trying it. Your post captures so much of what I’ve been hoping to build toward: emotional honesty without apology.
This was so nice to read, I feel like going through similar motions right now. I realise I am still so careful about the way I behave – don't be too intense! don't get attached! don't show too much interest! – and it is really refreshing to get the opposite reaction. Part of me totally thought I was being ghosted as I am so used to it happening out of the blue, but then the guy I am casually seeing said sorry for not being in touch during a busy week.
Hi Loretta, if you are willing, I would love to know your thoughts about the show Dying for Sex. I loved the show but am not seeing many articles on it.
Loretta, I have a few questions for you. Would you consider doing a DM with me?