Love this and frankly love the idea of using a pseudonym! Don’t know if you plan on doing any reported stories or interviews, but I’d love to see stories here or anywhere about non-amicable divorces. The ones that feel less like liberation and more like still being tethered to an ex-spouse but in a whole new territory of legal arbitration and toxicity. No doubt the very nature of these divorces make them hard to write about freely, but as I watch someone v close to me try to navigate this sort of divorce, I feel like it’s a missing piece of divorce lit and I wish it weren’t. (To be clear: I don’t think we need these stories as cautionary tales or reasons not to pursue a divorce, but amicable joint custody and liberation aren’t always on the other side of divorce and for folks really going through it, we need those stories too! How to get free when constantly being surveilled by the father of your children and their evil step mother, et cetera!)
Good point, and thanks for the suggestion. There are so many different kinds of divorces, just like there are so many different kinds of marriages (and people!)
It was a big surprise to me, post-separation, to discover that it wasn’t that I didn’t want sex, it was that I didn’t want sex *with my ex*. Sex with other people is actually terrific.
I’m here for all the early 40’s, newly divorced, quest to become oneself (maybe for the first time ever) while unpacking all the patriarchal bullshit and living vicariously through the leading of folks to beds because I’m not quite there yet.
Yes!!! So exciting! When I got divorced I had so much fun. I dated men and women and had my first one night stand!! It was just fun and liberating. Looking forward to reading your adventures!
LOVE everything about this, especially the pseudonym. As someone in a similar situation as you, I've found that while my libido has shot up, my desire to be with another man is non-existent (in fact, I still wear my wedding ring just to discourage other men from even considering engaging with me on that level). Once the divorce is final, I hope to explore more of my bi side, and wonder if part of the inculcation of misogyny and patriarchy (this cult called marriage) is leading us to believe that there is no lesbian side to explore...food for thought;)
Thank you for making this! I'm a woman in my early twenties, who has a somewhat complicated relationship with sex and a difficult relationship with age, so having a space to listen and hear about women who are older than me rediscover their own relationship with sex feels really transformational. I look forward to hearing more about your journey <3
“I realize now that this shaped my behavior and self-identity in ways that made me lose myself. I was constantly trying to mold myself into someone I considered lovable — I was careful not to be too assertive, too smart, too needy, lest I scare a potential future husband off.”
This is what we are taught. Full stop. What you want and who you are don’t matter, just land a husband.
I am SO glad that people are challenging this narrative for us. I lost myself entirely in the service of my quasi-abusive marriage and let me tell you, when we got divorced, I found PEACE and CONTENTMENT and it had nothing to do with anyone else. Glorious.
Love this and frankly love the idea of using a pseudonym! Don’t know if you plan on doing any reported stories or interviews, but I’d love to see stories here or anywhere about non-amicable divorces. The ones that feel less like liberation and more like still being tethered to an ex-spouse but in a whole new territory of legal arbitration and toxicity. No doubt the very nature of these divorces make them hard to write about freely, but as I watch someone v close to me try to navigate this sort of divorce, I feel like it’s a missing piece of divorce lit and I wish it weren’t. (To be clear: I don’t think we need these stories as cautionary tales or reasons not to pursue a divorce, but amicable joint custody and liberation aren’t always on the other side of divorce and for folks really going through it, we need those stories too! How to get free when constantly being surveilled by the father of your children and their evil step mother, et cetera!)
Good point, and thanks for the suggestion. There are so many different kinds of divorces, just like there are so many different kinds of marriages (and people!)
Of course!
Erin I’d love to interview your friend for my Divorce Diaries series. It’s anonymous! Because I agree!
It was a big surprise to me, post-separation, to discover that it wasn’t that I didn’t want sex, it was that I didn’t want sex *with my ex*. Sex with other people is actually terrific.
yup yup yup.
I’m here for all the early 40’s, newly divorced, quest to become oneself (maybe for the first time ever) while unpacking all the patriarchal bullshit and living vicariously through the leading of folks to beds because I’m not quite there yet.
Yes!!! So exciting! When I got divorced I had so much fun. I dated men and women and had my first one night stand!! It was just fun and liberating. Looking forward to reading your adventures!
Oh, I can relate so much. I’m looking forward to reading more!
LOVE everything about this, especially the pseudonym. As someone in a similar situation as you, I've found that while my libido has shot up, my desire to be with another man is non-existent (in fact, I still wear my wedding ring just to discourage other men from even considering engaging with me on that level). Once the divorce is final, I hope to explore more of my bi side, and wonder if part of the inculcation of misogyny and patriarchy (this cult called marriage) is leading us to believe that there is no lesbian side to explore...food for thought;)
Thank you for making this! I'm a woman in my early twenties, who has a somewhat complicated relationship with sex and a difficult relationship with age, so having a space to listen and hear about women who are older than me rediscover their own relationship with sex feels really transformational. I look forward to hearing more about your journey <3
“I realize now that this shaped my behavior and self-identity in ways that made me lose myself. I was constantly trying to mold myself into someone I considered lovable — I was careful not to be too assertive, too smart, too needy, lest I scare a potential future husband off.”
This is what we are taught. Full stop. What you want and who you are don’t matter, just land a husband.
I am SO glad that people are challenging this narrative for us. I lost myself entirely in the service of my quasi-abusive marriage and let me tell you, when we got divorced, I found PEACE and CONTENTMENT and it had nothing to do with anyone else. Glorious.