A Guitarist Crawled Into My Vagina
He might never leave.
Several weeks ago, I drove a couple of hours across state lines to visit my best friend. We hadn’t seen each other in months, and we were both craving a much-needed night out.
Our evening began innocently enough at a local Chinese restaurant, followed by a stop at an Irish bar rumored to have live music. We arrived early, and the place was practically deserted. Just a few scattered patrons, the drummer warming up, and my friend and I wondering if we’d even last until the band's late set. To pass the time, we amused ourselves with the jukebox and sipped cocktails.
Slowly, the rest of the band trickled in. The singer, who seemed a little creepy. The bearded bassist, who was maybe kind of hot.
Then a long-haired lanky guy approached the stage with a guitar case. “Oh, he could be cute,” my friend said, pointing. Hmm. Maybe.
The band eventually started, and they were …. well, really good. I found myself thoroughly inspecting each performer, as I often do when I see live music, and that long haired guitarist…. well, he was growing on me. He wasn’t just cute; he was captivating. And very talented.
Suddenly I was totally immersed in the music. My friend and I started dancing, and she moved me to the other side of her so I could more easily watch the guitarist as he played. (I love my friend. She is the best.)
It didn’t take long before I was pulled into some kind of trance with him. Some other mystical world. Just the two of us. Our eyes started locking for long stretches of time. In those moments, it was like we were the only two people on the planet.
After several songs — especially the songs he sang, because yes, he also sang, and played the goddamn fiddle — he blew me kisses, so I started blowing him kisses, and I doubled over a few times because the energy and chemistry were so overwhelming. At one point gutturally screamed to my friend: “He has crawled into my vagina! He has crawled in and he’s never coming out!!!!”
I thought maybe it was all in my head — too many drinks, perhaps? — but my friend had invited a friend of hers, a guy, to the bar too and when he showed up, he was immediately like, “What the fuck is happening between these two??!!!!” He laughed at our obvious and mutual fixation, but I think was maybe a little intimidated by it, too.
Maybe this kind of thing happens to other people a lot. But this does not happen to me. I am never immediately attracted to people. I need to get to know them, suss out their vibe, and let an attraction build over time. I’m never pulled into an instant and immediate cyclone of lust.
Case in point, I have never had a one night stand. I’ve never met a guy while out and gone home with him or taken him home. There have always been days-long interactions, at least, before I sleep with someone.
Well, this night was a new frontier, then. I was more than ready for my first one night stand. I started moaning as I watched him play. I’m sure he saw it, maybe even heard it. I wonder if he understood it. He certainly wasn’t scared by it. I think he loved it.
Another cute guy tried to talk to me at one point. I flicked him away like an ant.
My friend and I stayed until the bitter end, because of course we did. At 2am, the music stopped. My friend pushed me towards the stage. “You have to talk to him,” she said.
I am shy. I am so shy! But of course, yes, I had to talk to him. I stepped forward. The bouncers were yelling for everyone to leave, but I ignored them. I felt like Cinderella. The clock was ticking.
A wedding party was in the audience, too, and the (rather drunk) bride got to my guitarist first. Bitch, go home with your betrothed and get out of my way. Let me talk to this beautiful man I have built an entire universe with over the course of the night.
Finally, he was free.
“Hi,” I said. He told me his name was Dan, which I already knew because the band had introduced themselves. He shook my hand. He had a gentleness that was so beautiful. Honestly, for the life of me, I can’t remember what other pleasantries we briefly exchanged. The bouncers yelled that everyone had to leave within two minutes or the police would be called. I knew I needed to figure out how to get more time with him.
I blurted out: “Would you like to hang out more after this?”
“I’m married,” he said in response.
There it was. A punch to the gut. “Oh,” I said. “Well. I used to be married.”
I tried — and probably failed — to hide my heartbreak. Heartbreak by a man I’d only just met. How? I was annoyed, too — he had definitely been leading me on. The bouncers were suddenly on us and I had to go. I stumbled away with my friend. I was so sure we would have more time. I was so sure we would get to explore each other. I was so sad.
Afterwards, I still couldn’t shake him from my thoughts. My friend generously tolerated my need to relive the whole experience in extended monologues. I found his band on Instagram. I found him on Instagram. I friended him. Within minutes, he requested to friend me back. I sent him a message at 3:30am, telling him how nice it was to meet him and that I was sorry if I made things awkward but I never would have forgiven myself if I hadn’t approached him.
The next morning, he replied. He said he’d enjoyed meeting me and sharing so much energy. “We were definitely synced up there!!!,” he wrote. He said if I ever came back to town, I should come to another performance and say hi.
The boundary was clear, but at least the connection was real.
Weeks later, the longing still lingers. But alongside the ache, there’s gratitude. I’ll never forget that night and how I felt — the depth of my pull to this stranger, the moments we shared inside the music. It was one of the most intense visceral and physical experiences I’ve had in a very long time. The night illuminated something new about myself, too: a hidden capacity for instant, intense connection that I didn't realize I possessed. I love this self-discovery, and I hope this new part of me comes out to play again soon.
I felt the yearning in this but also once you mentioned the fiddle all I could think of was Tamlin from ACOTAR 🫣 #iykyk
Love it!!! I’ve often wondered about fate or chance with people I meet, and then REALITY rears its ugly, mundane head, and I come back out of the depths of wondrous what ifs.